Did I do the right thing? Did I say the right words? Should I have done it this way? Would that have been better? If I did it differently would I have what I wanted now?...
There are opportunities for constant second guessing! There are chances for regret in every decision that we make. But why dwell on what could have been, it's not. Sure, one small change could have made the difference between yes and no, but that choice was made for a reason, right? Whatever we were thinking, saying, doing at the time. It doesn't make it right or wrong, that is a different issue, herein lies regret. I suggest we only regret what we can change, and if we can change it, and we do change it, then there is no regret.
Constantly replaying it in our minds, as I often do, is not going to change it. If you are going to replay it, then replay it to learn from it and don't let it happen again. There is no good in living a life filled with regrets. I am a believer in the "everything happens for a reason" perspective but there are other perspectives too, "we make reason out of everything" and "shit just happens." No matter which belief you subscribe to none of us can go back in time and change the things we wish we could. And none of us can predict the future when we are making decisions. We can only use our experiences to guide us and make the best decision at the time.
Be thoughtful, not regretful.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
52 card pick up
For the most part I can keep my thoughts organized, like a deck of cards. I rearrange them from time to time, match them up by whatever is appropriate, sometimes by suit, by color, in order from lowest to highest, highest to lowest, in piles, shuffled, build a house with them, have the house fall over, but some days.. some days I just feel like I'm playing 52 card pick up!!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
take flight
This bird had been kept in a cage for so long, a cage that was tattered and rusted and unkept. The door to the cage grew weaker and weaker by the rust and negelct, so much so that the door no longer held her. She made her way out of the door and found a new home, her new cage was beautiful, shiny, well cared for, hanging in the most beautiful of places but it was still a cage. Little by little the bird pecked her way through the bars, each time making the opening just a little wider and the cage a little weaker. Eventually the cage could not hold her any more. Knowing no life other than the ones she had lived confined to such small spaces, whether tattered or beautiful, she didn't know where to go. She perched herself on top of the cage.The cage was not meant for the weight of the bird on top of it and it fell to the ground.
She was forced to open her wings and fly. She had to find the stength in herself to keep flight, against the harsh winds and in the rain and to find a place to rest, exposed to the elements. In doing this she found beauty in a world that she hadn't known before. She found the stillness in the morning, the warmth in the sun, the illumination of the stars, the possibilities of long windy roads, and the calmness and peace in the water.
She no longer seeks a cage, no matter how protected and promising it may appear. Now she picks up pieces of her journey along the way and is building a nest instead. One that will remain vulnerable to all that nature puts in her way but with what she has learned from her experiences one that will grow and support her without the the bars that confined her before. She has been given the gift of freedom, not from anyone but herself and the constraints that she kept in place. For she is not meant simply to fly but she is meant to soar.
She was forced to open her wings and fly. She had to find the stength in herself to keep flight, against the harsh winds and in the rain and to find a place to rest, exposed to the elements. In doing this she found beauty in a world that she hadn't known before. She found the stillness in the morning, the warmth in the sun, the illumination of the stars, the possibilities of long windy roads, and the calmness and peace in the water.
She no longer seeks a cage, no matter how protected and promising it may appear. Now she picks up pieces of her journey along the way and is building a nest instead. One that will remain vulnerable to all that nature puts in her way but with what she has learned from her experiences one that will grow and support her without the the bars that confined her before. She has been given the gift of freedom, not from anyone but herself and the constraints that she kept in place. For she is not meant simply to fly but she is meant to soar.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
falling in the hole
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep
he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey, you, can you
help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and
moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in
this hole. Can you help me out?" The priest writes a prayer, throws it down in
the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can you help
me out" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you nuts? Now we're
both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before - and I
know the way out."
I love this story and it definitely applies to the pitfalls in life! If you keep falling in a hole, especially if you keep falling in the same one, as I have done, you might want to consider spending some time in that hole to figure out how to avoid falling in again.
As the story says having a friend who has been there and knows the way out is very helpful but even if you don't.. figure out how to fill that hole in so you don't have to walk around it, avoid it, risk falling in again. Exhaust all possible ways to get out, pull the dirt in around so that it fills in the space below your feet and eventually the hole will get smaller and smaller until it's gone.
I love this story and it definitely applies to the pitfalls in life! If you keep falling in a hole, especially if you keep falling in the same one, as I have done, you might want to consider spending some time in that hole to figure out how to avoid falling in again.
As the story says having a friend who has been there and knows the way out is very helpful but even if you don't.. figure out how to fill that hole in so you don't have to walk around it, avoid it, risk falling in again. Exhaust all possible ways to get out, pull the dirt in around so that it fills in the space below your feet and eventually the hole will get smaller and smaller until it's gone.
Don't go through the motions- take the time to go through the emotions
In life we suffer all kinds of losses that range from minor to life changing. How do you handle that change?
I am no stranger to this but for most of my life I have handled these situations by distraction, denial, and running as fast as I possibly could in the other direction. Suffice to say, that didn't get me too far. It was like running on a treadmill, going top speed and staying in the same place.
For the first time in my life I took the time to allow myself to go through the emotions, stay present in how I was really feeling, not judge myself, not rush myself, not measure myself against some abstract goal. I didn't let the opinions of others shape how I felt, I captured them, gave thought to them but ultimately let my heart guide me in the direction or directions (because sometimes it goes in several at the same time of course) that I knew I needed to go. If I felt sad, I felt sad. If I felt happy, I felt happy. If I was hurt, I was hurt. And if I was angry, I was angry.
I read, I listened, I cried, I wrote, I indulged, I talked, I became vulnerable. But I did not internalize. I became healthy. I grew. I changed. I had never been so broken and yet I have never felt more strength in myself.
There really is a difference, I now know it first hand. And I am so lucky to have found it. I found strength in my weakness and will never forget the experience.
I am no stranger to this but for most of my life I have handled these situations by distraction, denial, and running as fast as I possibly could in the other direction. Suffice to say, that didn't get me too far. It was like running on a treadmill, going top speed and staying in the same place.
For the first time in my life I took the time to allow myself to go through the emotions, stay present in how I was really feeling, not judge myself, not rush myself, not measure myself against some abstract goal. I didn't let the opinions of others shape how I felt, I captured them, gave thought to them but ultimately let my heart guide me in the direction or directions (because sometimes it goes in several at the same time of course) that I knew I needed to go. If I felt sad, I felt sad. If I felt happy, I felt happy. If I was hurt, I was hurt. And if I was angry, I was angry.
I read, I listened, I cried, I wrote, I indulged, I talked, I became vulnerable. But I did not internalize. I became healthy. I grew. I changed. I had never been so broken and yet I have never felt more strength in myself.
There really is a difference, I now know it first hand. And I am so lucky to have found it. I found strength in my weakness and will never forget the experience.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
know your value
Discover and cherish your worth on your own, know it, believe it and don't let the opinions of other decrease it.
Be honest with yourself so that you may be honest with others.
If you come across something you don't like- change it.
If you find something you do like- capitalize on it.
You are valuable.
Be honest with yourself so that you may be honest with others.
If you come across something you don't like- change it.
If you find something you do like- capitalize on it.
You are valuable.
pause along the way
How often do you take the time to reflect on how far you have come instead of looking at how far you have to go?
It's not too often that we actually take a moment to look at where we were and allow ourselves the time to be proud of what we have done, how we have grown and what we have built.
When we realize there is something we need to change about ourselves or our circumstances there is a lot of hard work that takes place within us that goes ignored. Not everyone takes the time to do the work, in fact, most people find it too difficult and just ignore it or run in another direction, so if you are one of the lucky people who take ownership over your life, don't forget to pat yourself on the back along the way. Take moments to be proud.
Think of it in terms of weight loss. You have a goal. You measure yourself against that goal. And when you reach milestones along the way you celebrate!
Take the time to appreciate yourself along the way!
It's not too often that we actually take a moment to look at where we were and allow ourselves the time to be proud of what we have done, how we have grown and what we have built.
When we realize there is something we need to change about ourselves or our circumstances there is a lot of hard work that takes place within us that goes ignored. Not everyone takes the time to do the work, in fact, most people find it too difficult and just ignore it or run in another direction, so if you are one of the lucky people who take ownership over your life, don't forget to pat yourself on the back along the way. Take moments to be proud.
Think of it in terms of weight loss. You have a goal. You measure yourself against that goal. And when you reach milestones along the way you celebrate!
Take the time to appreciate yourself along the way!
Monday, September 24, 2012
for·give
for·give
[fer-giv] verb, for·gave,for·giv·en, for·giv·ing.
verb (used with object)
1.
to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.);absolve.
2.
to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation,etc.).
3.
to grant pardon to (a person).
4.
to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5.
to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interestowed on a loan.
We all eventually seek forgiveness from those we hurt, intentional or unintentional, and whether we admit it or not. It is instinctual. But what does it mean to have another person forgive you when you have forgotten to forgive yourself. It is just as important.
The act of forgiving another, actually forgiving, not forgetting or learning from the experience and not just saying the words, brings a bit of peace to our mind and can lift the weight of the world off our shoulders.
But to forgive yourself, not hold it against yourself any longer, grow from the experience and clear your conscience of it can lift the weight of the world off your soul.
Even if you don't get the forgiveness you seek from another person in your life, give the gift to yourself. That you do have control over. And if you are forgiven, accept it, and stop holding it against yourself.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Are you writing off the wrong words?
Our lives our full of so many words, positive, negative, meaningful, neutral, thoughtful, meaningless, harsh, loving, encouraging, inspiring... some people choose their words carefully and others are reckless with what they say. How do you let those words affect you? I say let them affect you because you really do have to make a conscious or unconscious decision to let them affect you and how you feel about yourself.
You would think that kind words would automatically make us feel better and negativity would by nature give us an adverse feeling about ourselves. On the surface maybe, but how many of us take compliments and keep them with us? And how many of us are able to drown out the unfavorable?
Can you take criticizing words, decipher their intention and purpose, weed out what you should learn from and dismiss the rest? Not all critiques are derived out of malice, some are things we need to hear, absorb and learn from but the rest, throw the rest away. It is not worth your time and energy to dwell on the opinions of others. Their opinion is really none of our business. After all, you were not placed on this earth to please any one person, and we all know that is impossible to please all people, so stop trying.
There are people who talk just to talk, the bullshitters, the sales people. They will tell you just about anything to get you to react in a way that favors their own agenda, good or bad. And there are people who we think speak with their heart and not their necessarily their mind so we tend not to believe them either. Those tend to be the people closest to us who we make the excuse that they have to say nice things becasue we have a close relationship with them. But those are the opposite sides of the spectrun. There is everything and everyone in between.
What do you do with the compliments you receive? Do you dismiss them? Do you find reasons why they couldn't possibly be true? Do you undermine yourself? Or do you collect them, save them, believe them and let them feed you to do more, grow more, be more?
Make sure you are writing off the right words you hear. Be honest with yourself, know that it is ok to take a compliment and redeem the positive thoughts when you need them the most and keep them with you always.
You would think that kind words would automatically make us feel better and negativity would by nature give us an adverse feeling about ourselves. On the surface maybe, but how many of us take compliments and keep them with us? And how many of us are able to drown out the unfavorable?
Can you take criticizing words, decipher their intention and purpose, weed out what you should learn from and dismiss the rest? Not all critiques are derived out of malice, some are things we need to hear, absorb and learn from but the rest, throw the rest away. It is not worth your time and energy to dwell on the opinions of others. Their opinion is really none of our business. After all, you were not placed on this earth to please any one person, and we all know that is impossible to please all people, so stop trying.
There are people who talk just to talk, the bullshitters, the sales people. They will tell you just about anything to get you to react in a way that favors their own agenda, good or bad. And there are people who we think speak with their heart and not their necessarily their mind so we tend not to believe them either. Those tend to be the people closest to us who we make the excuse that they have to say nice things becasue we have a close relationship with them. But those are the opposite sides of the spectrun. There is everything and everyone in between.
What do you do with the compliments you receive? Do you dismiss them? Do you find reasons why they couldn't possibly be true? Do you undermine yourself? Or do you collect them, save them, believe them and let them feed you to do more, grow more, be more?
Make sure you are writing off the right words you hear. Be honest with yourself, know that it is ok to take a compliment and redeem the positive thoughts when you need them the most and keep them with you always.
Friday, September 21, 2012
The what if...
You can not live your life for the what if, you must live for what is.
That is not to say that you should not have dreams, goals and aspirations, everyone must have those to stay inspired and moving forward in life. But what happens when you get stuck? Stuck living for the what if or what you think is supposed to be? The planning and dreaming can become all consuming and you lose sight of what actually is. One could argue that it is easier to live for tomorrow and what might be than it is to deal with today.
If you plan your whole life or even for just one single thing in your life and live only to fulfill that single destiny, can you imagine all of the things that you may miss along the way?
Take a look at your journey. Did you enjoy the steps along the way? Or were they all in preparation for the desired result. Find the balance. Did you see the smile that you inspired? Did you get to smile yourself?
Be present, live in the moment, not for the moment, for that moment may never come.
That is not to say that you should not have dreams, goals and aspirations, everyone must have those to stay inspired and moving forward in life. But what happens when you get stuck? Stuck living for the what if or what you think is supposed to be? The planning and dreaming can become all consuming and you lose sight of what actually is. One could argue that it is easier to live for tomorrow and what might be than it is to deal with today.
If you plan your whole life or even for just one single thing in your life and live only to fulfill that single destiny, can you imagine all of the things that you may miss along the way?
Take a look at your journey. Did you enjoy the steps along the way? Or were they all in preparation for the desired result. Find the balance. Did you see the smile that you inspired? Did you get to smile yourself?
Be present, live in the moment, not for the moment, for that moment may never come.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Are thoughts random?
Thoughts come to us randomly on what seems like random subjects but if you take the time to piece the thoughts together they are not so random at all.
They are like strands of a spider web that come together to build strength and spread widely to create stability. But they all connect to the center of who we are and who we are building.
They are like strands of a spider web that come together to build strength and spread widely to create stability. But they all connect to the center of who we are and who we are building.
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