insecurity

in·se·cu·ri·ty

   /ˌɪnsɪˈkyʊərɪti/ Show Spelled[in-si-kyoor-i-tee] Show IPA

noun, plural in·se·cu·ri·ties.

1. lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: He is plagued by insecurity.

2. the quality or state of being insecure; instability: the insecurity of her financial position.

3. something insecure: the many insecurities of life.

We all know the feeling. The moments we question ourselves, others, and life in general... insecurity comes along in the best of times and in the worst of times but no matter when it creeps in it's toxic, we know it's toxic but yet it feeds on our knowledge of it's toxicity- a vicious cycle.

How do you stop it? How do you counter act the cycle? I don't know the answer to that question but what I do know is this..

You have to build the confidence in yourself first. You have to know who you are and what you are and be comfortable with it, value it yourself. Part of the problem, as I see it, is that we forget that what got us to where we are, being ourselves is what will keep us there and move us forward. So often people get to the place they want to be and then forget this.. and somehow feel the need to then change to fit the height of their new circumstances. Change is good if it is for the right reasons but I don't know that change is the right word exactly, growth may be more appropriate. Growth refers more to enhancing what is already there rather than diminishing what we have and starting over. 

It may be impossible to let go of the negativity that plagues us completely and a small amount of insecurity can keep us on our toes and reinforce our true emotions in a situation but limit them to small doses and remember how little we can actually control in our lives, and that in itself is really only contained to what we can control within ourselves, and in our own reactions to external circumstances. 

Like many other things, easier said than done, right? At first glance maybe. But once you get it, you really do get it! This part I don't know that I can explain in words. It's more of a feeling. A peace with yourself. A quietness. A confidence. Once you find it, you're not gonna want to let it go!

your path

No one knows exactly where life will take us.. in love, in careers, in family, friends, in all our passions.. some will argue that our paths are predetermined. What if this is true? What if something is set in our hearts and minds to set us in motion on that path, in the right direction. at the right time?

If there is a path, it is a windy one. It's full of rights, left, u-turns, speed bumps, fallen trees, the darkness of tunnels, the light of wide open spaces in the morning.. it's stormy, sometimes clear and calm, there's dew and fog, and icy patches... but it's our path, only ours.

Walk, run, sit down and rest a while, skip and jump if you have to but most importantly take-in each inch of it, embrace it.

Everything can and will change in an instant

Everything can and will change in an instant.

There is so little in this life that we really have control over. Plan, organize, execute, strive, reach goals, and in the blink of an eye it can all change, for better or for worse.

In this life we have to get good at change and all that it can encompass. It really is the only thing that is certain. Many people, and I was one of them, sit and wait for that perfect moment to be happy. If this happens then I will feel better, if only I could have this, that would make me happy.

The ocean doesn't wait for the sand to be ready for the tides to change.. the ocean has ebbs and flow and is constantly changing.. the water and the sand accept each other when the timing is right, they have no control over the flow.

When the wind blows through the branches of the trees, what happens? The tree does not resist the motion in the wind, for if it did the branches would break in the struggle. Instead the tree bends with the wind and the air blows through the leaves in harmony.

A bird soars with the air currents. It could fly against it but would exhaust itself and eventually learn that it is a much more peaceful flight to spread it's wings and let the current take it where it is going.

Learn to accept the change. Get adaptable. For life and love are constantly changing and if you are going to find any peace in it all you must find peace in the shifting winds.

regret

Did I do the right thing? Did I say the right words? Should I have done it this way? Would that have been better? If I did it differently would I have what I wanted now?...

There are opportunities for constant second guessing! There are chances for regret in every decision that we make. But why dwell on what could have been, it's not. Sure, one small change could have made the difference between yes and no, but that choice was made for a reason, right? Whatever we were thinking, saying, doing at the time. It doesn't make it right or wrong, that is a different issue, herein lies regret. I suggest we only regret what we can change, and if we can change it, and we do change it, then there is no regret.

Constantly replaying it in our minds, as I often do, is not going to change it. If you are going to replay it, then replay it to learn from it and don't let it happen again. There is no good in living a life filled with regrets. I am a believer in the "everything happens for a reason" perspective but there are other perspectives too, "we make reason out of everything" and "shit just happens." No matter which belief you subscribe to none of us can go back in time and change the things we wish we could. And none of us can predict the future when we are making decisions. We can only use our experiences to guide us and make the best decision at the time.

Be thoughtful, not regretful.

52 card pick up

For the most part I can keep my thoughts organized, like a deck of cards. I rearrange them from time to time, match them up by whatever is appropriate, sometimes by suit, by color, in order from lowest to highest, highest to lowest, in piles, shuffled, build a house with them, have the house fall over, but some days.. some days I just feel like I'm playing 52 card pick up!!

take flight

This bird had been kept in a cage for so long, a cage that was tattered and rusted and unkept. The door to the cage grew weaker and weaker by the rust and negelct, so much so that the door no longer held her. She made her way out of the door and found a new home, her new cage was beautiful, shiny, well cared for, hanging in the most beautiful of places but it was still a cage. Little by little the bird pecked her way through the bars, each time making the opening just a little wider and the cage a little weaker. Eventually the cage could not hold her any more. Knowing no life other than the ones she had lived confined to such small spaces, whether tattered or beautiful, she didn't know where to go. She perched herself on top of the cage.The cage was not meant for the weight of the bird on top of it and it fell to the ground.

She was forced to open her wings and fly. She had to find the stength in herself to keep flight, against the harsh winds and in the rain and to find a place to rest, exposed to the elements. In doing this she found beauty in a world that she hadn't known before. She found the stillness in the morning, the warmth in the sun, the illumination of the stars, the possibilities of long windy roads, and the calmness and peace in the water.

She no longer seeks a cage, no matter how protected and promising it may appear. Now she picks up pieces of her journey along the way and is building a nest instead. One that will remain vulnerable to all that nature puts in her way but with what she has learned from her experiences one that will grow and support her without the the bars that confined her before. She has been given the gift of freedom, not from anyone but herself and the constraints that she kept in place. For she is not meant simply to fly but she is meant to soar.

falling in the hole

"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey, you, can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole. Can you help me out?" The priest writes a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can you help me out" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you nuts? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before - and I know the way out."

I love this story and it definitely applies to the pitfalls in life! If you keep falling in a hole, especially if you keep falling in the same one, as I have done, you might want to consider spending some time in that hole to figure out how to avoid falling in again.

As the story says having a friend who has been there and knows the way out is very helpful but even if you don't.. figure out how to fill that hole in so you don't have to walk around it, avoid it, risk falling in again. Exhaust all possible ways to get out, pull the dirt in around so that it fills in the space below your feet and eventually the hole will get smaller and smaller until it's gone.